The birds were louder this morning,
raucous, oblivious, tweeting their teensy bird-brains out.
It scared me, until I remembered it’s Spring.
How do they know it? A stupid question.
Thank you, birdies. I had forgotten how promise feels.
Rejoice! It is spring again my little lovelies
Last I checked upon this hovel there was quite the buzz. Wasn’t there? Many of you peddling your disabilities in public, unmoved by your incriminating odors, unburdened by genius and just untroubled by anything having to do with modern worldliness.
Several you are appearing on many occasion bright eyed and bushy tailed (literally in some instances) happening frequently to resemble a small squadron of malformed autistics pin-balling heads together as you exited your short bus on special Olympics day.
These were the best of times they were the worst of times.
My how time does stand still when rank halitosis coupled with wide assortments of other deformities considered serious to most, prevent you from the joys of human contact? And yet, in what could be considered a marsh pit of poorly performing genes a few of you managed to stand out with your special commitment to abject uselessness. Even by any standards set forth by lower rung cretins who happen to share close family ties with the AmazingSting.
Oddly enough, when these failures of varying shapes, sizes and forms pass through my thoughts people like Benzo immediately leap to mind. Perhaps because he is old, toothless, smells funny and wears a government issued diaper? Or it may be any one of the other ten thousand and six reasons he is shunned by people wishing to appear dignified in even the most basic sense of the word?
Or perhaps it is because he is unique? He, being the only poster I am aware of, who has been surgically grafted to his wheel chair and must blow into a tube when he wishes to imagine he is experiencing an erection. Surely it must be one of those.
Is he still around to merchant his cutting wit and steady barrage "couchtowns" and "booms" and the occasional "you're gay" every time he is confronted? He’s so varied, Learnt and colorfully witty. Consistently too. So much so, that from time to time I worry whether or not we will lose this flaming luminary to some freak drowning accident during monthly bath hour at some underfunded government facility when his nursing aid allows him to submerge slowly & helplessly into a tub of piss water while she is busy sharing selfies to her followers on Instagram.
I cannot bear to think further of such a tragedy so we’re just going to end that right there.
Would someone with access to his beeper number be kind enough to dial him a nice "hello" on my behalf? Just to let him know someone cares? What can I say? I have a soft spot for the weak and elderly.
Of course, I give thought to jungle jiving minorities who reek of swamp, so I’m going to stop you social justice wobblers right there! This is a forum of diversity after all.
Be patient, his name is coming to me. Ranciddickhole. No. FlaccidJungleDork… no…no.. c’mon… shit it’s on the tip of my tongue.
RancidMucusDrip !!!… yes… that’s it! I remember him! How is that partially shaven primate? Does he still log in from time to time hoping to learn English and a bit of common sense from civilized people with his 386 super scuba computer mounted to a tree stump?
He was always so special in a just throw the food over the fence and wave at him dear kind of way as you held your child's hand and then walked them away slowly to visit the next monkey enclosure. I would particularly enjoy watching him rattle his cage bars furiously for hours on end, and for no reason whatsoever, only to fall asleep peacefully in a pool of his own bodily fluid shortly thereafter.
Does he still have a thing for females riddled with bovine spongiform encephalopathy? Legend has it he gets them a little nighttime moody with petrol and rohypnol, then tips them, and does all sorts of unspeakable things with them once the chickens and sheep are tucked away for the evening. I suspect this is the reason entirely he opted to move to an area of the world used as a toilet for the remainder of the planet.
And what would a thread dedicated to the dregs of society be without a mention of the great white hopeless? I’m sure we all know who I am speaking of here? The name escapes me. Hilter’s Penis 365 or something to that effect?
Has he managed to obtain his GED yet? Did those college courses he was taking in the Tallahassee prison for women improve his 2nd grade writing skills? Before moving to the UK only to be stripped of his dignity, manhood and driver’s license? Give him my regards won’t you?
And to those I haven’t named. Hello.