I was walking downtown when I spotted a hoe
I paid her two ketchup packs and said let's go
Do you know what happened at the hotel, take a guess
For one more Ketchup pack I butt fucked her on a dirty mattress
I walked out the motel door forgetting to leave a pillow mint
That was a huge mistake because she called her midget pimp
He was built like a gorilla, but no bigger than a fire hydrant
Grabbing his tiny balls he waddled after me down the hall
Waving his pimp cane he began to loudly mutter
"You still owe my bitch a jar of peanut butter!"
Down the street I ran as I sprinted back to my place
The little pimp rode his electric scooter and gave chase
Eventually I lost him when he crashed into a fence
I thought it was over, but the real drama was about to commence
Little did I know that this would lead to a giant fuss
This prostitute belonged to a gang called "Hookers for Jesus"
The next day I was scared and did not know what to do
I discovered she and the pygmy pimp had signed up at the Blue Cashew
Together they dog piled my post asking about cat care
So I left that forum since this did not seem fair
At the Stomping grounds they arrived like a conjoined pair
The pimp was always shouting and the hoe was always pouting
I told the skank bank and her midget toss to kindly fuck off
This just made them madder and the midget climbed a ladder
From the top rung, he stuck out his tongue and began attacking
He wanted me to send the hoe a jar of peanut butter with UPS tracking
When I refused the midget covered himself in bull semen
And went rampaging across 4 separate forums like a demon
In the end, to make amends, and to be a kind fella
I sent them both a case of Nutella
EPILOGUE
Bur
Sir, have you heard the latest word?
KM
No I have not.
Bur
I don't want to spoil the plot but they said you have no bed and your cat is dead!
KM
What an outrageous claim!
Bur
Is this how these morons now flame?
KM
Nothing but gossip buzzing like a beehive, My cat is very much alive!
Bur
I don't wanna press, but is your bathroom a huge mess?
KM
Let me relieve your stress, go inside and take a good shit
Bur
I must admit, the room was clean, the cleanest bathroom I have ever seen.
KM
So you have solved this caper?
Bur
Your bathroom is spotless and even has scented toilet paper.
KM
Print that in the newspaper, let the truth be told.
