I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho

Joe Biden · 4675


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Offline Joe Biden

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I would like to thank you all on this Super Saturday for supporting this 2014 race for the Wisconsin senate seat. Bernie Manalow has been a tough challenger but together we can make Vermont great again!

As your newly elected mayor of Nashville I will work with Indonesia on a jobs plan and put robust programs in place to boost our economy through offshore drilling along our western coastline and put an end to Alien mining for the Romulan Empire. I will fight for quality hair products and sleeveless business attire for all of our working woman. Especially those in my cabinet.

Let's make this an awesome 2 years!

Yours truly, Joe Jackson
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #1 on: March 03, 2020, 07:27:14 PM
Welcome Joe Biden

We here as emissaries to the Klingon Empire welcome you

What do you plan to do about Corona Virus good sir?

That's a good question young man. Thank you for asking. As soon as I am exonerated into the Nevada state legislator my first act as county clerk will be to put an end to all fast food consumption inside the courtroom.

No jurors should have to be distracted by the smell of those bacon cheese fries they serve at Trader Joes while they are busy authoring Federal laws.

Then I will put into effect a wing tax on all flying cars and outlaw high heels.

Joe Johnson  - it's time we made a difference
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #2 on: March 03, 2020, 07:45:56 PM
I'm glad you came to your senses and retired to the Nevada state legislative city council of Gary, Indiana, paving the way for Bernie to take his rightful place as Democratic nominee, and president-elect.  You're a real peach, Sloppy Joe.

This reminds me of that Flinstones episode. Do you remember the one? Where he was being chased by the Dinosaur?

God I used to love watching Sci-Fi shows
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #3 on: March 03, 2020, 07:49:03 PM
Um Sir? What about Corona? The growing pandemic?

Oh, right right. Corona.

Quality beer. A little on the harder side and I'm more of a Miller man myself but you know if you mix it with some Quaker oatmeal and add a little nutmeg you can turn out one hell of an Apple Pie.

Joe Pesci -- Funny? How am I funny?
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #4 on: March 03, 2020, 08:32:02 PM
Mr Biden sir.

Will Pocahontas or any of your other rivals be joining us?

You're damn right Pocahontas should be allowed to carry a rifle and join us. Especially where she grew up. Party favors save lives.

This reminds me of the time I was teaching sign language to blind kids down at the Helen Keller institute for chronic leprosy and we were invaded by a colony of red ants. Boy did T-bone have a tough time making it to the bathroom on time that day. Let me tell you. And if it wasn't for the fact that there was this 30ft yacht right in the middle of that football stadium I don't think he would have made it.

Joe Bannano - John Gotti is a rat.
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #5 on: March 03, 2020, 08:50:31 PM
Mr. Biden...

How will you deal with the communist freeloaders in your moderate freeloading democratic party? And how many lunar Starbucks vouchers will I get if I vote for Old Navy trousers?

Very fine questions young man. Very fine.

Don't you think these questions would be better asked of a Presidential candidate? Well let me tell you what I would do if I were running for president.

Pepper spray? Out. Hair sniffing? Mandatory on the first and forth Tuesday of every month. Vouchers for all hair care products for any women under the age of 17 and I would leave Lunar starwars in the capable hands of qualified people such as Luke Sky-walker and that furry guy? What's his name again? Rosie Odonnell?

And more importantly, Me and Joseph Stalin were very close friends back in the flight academy but how many nuclear subs do you think he can afford?

Joe Namath - My football career ain't over just yet
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #6 on: March 03, 2020, 11:26:55 PM
Sorry, Mr Biden... one more question for now...

If you're elected governor of Potato, how will you combat the unholy invasion of the dreaded Pineapple Hobo scourge infesting our Doghound Bus depots and stripping the veneer off our plastic tree arrangements due to climate change and Skittles blizzards?

You know this question reminds of the times I used to go skiing along the plains of the Nevada desert during some of the coldest winters you could imagine with an 8 track cassette tape. And as a devote Muslim boy I would always make the sign of the cross as the lift would carry me and the other fallen soldiers returning in bags from the beaches of Normandy to the peak of the mountain and have us jump off with our parachutes tightly packed in our lunchboxes.

Id always remember to put rubbing alcohol on my shoelaces and say a prayer for all those devote Jewish friends of mine still fending off the advancing roman army on at the walls of Jericho.

They were the best of times and the worst of times and There's just never been another era after landing on the Moon quite like it.

Joe Butts - what you looking at?
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #7 on: March 03, 2020, 11:31:30 PM
Congrats Joe.  We know you will faithfully execute the office of dogcatcher in Ada County.

Thank you.

Please show your support by sending any leftover body hair shavings or bushels of recently cut hair follicles to my campaign at:

Biden for Warden of Oklahoma state prison PO box 123 ShekelsTown Nebraska 11367
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #8 on: March 04, 2020, 12:12:20 AM
Sir, that is racail bullying and we are NOT Trumps America!   We need to all come together and not allow another 2016 and dammit.....do not come together too close to any 13 years olds until after the election. Just sit down and stay in Potatoe.

Lizdeath? Wendigo? Why are you here? Didn't Dorthy drop a small Cottage on you a couple of years ago? You make my pancreas curl & I bet your husband prays daily for prostate cancer.

Could you slip and fall and break your neck in a shower far away please?

I'm busy running for District Attorney of Nassau County and I cannot be bothered fanning your horrid breath away with a newspaper.

Shoo. Shoo.
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Offline Joe Biden

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Reply #9 on: March 04, 2020, 12:42:19 AM
Joe how many times do we have to tell you to shave your legs and stop putting strange kids on your lap?  I'll have you know that I bent over and the house crumbled on my hump back. You will not get rid of me that easily! 

 And how dare you sink so low as to use my husbands ovarian cancer against me  :curse:

 We are coming for you, Joe.

You are a lying horse face pony testicle. Someone needs to throw a bottle of seltzer water on you and all of your monkeys.

Get your facts straight lady!  That girl was 17 and she told me she only needed to touch my penis as part of a geology class project she was working on.

You belong in a herpes jar for all of your evil fibbing and demonic dressing habits.
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