Stomping Groundz

Political Groundz => Religious & Political Debate => Topic started by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 07:04:55 PM

Title: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 07:04:55 PM
I would like to thank you all on this Super Saturday for supporting this 2014 race for the Wisconsin senate seat. Bernie Manalow has been a tough challenger but together we can make Vermont great again!

As your newly elected mayor of Nashville I will work with Indonesia on a jobs plan and put robust programs in place to boost our economy through offshore drilling along our western coastline and put an end to Alien mining for the Romulan Empire. I will fight for quality hair products and sleeveless business attire for all of our working woman. Especially those in my cabinet.

Let's make this an awesome 2 years!

Yours truly, Joe Jackson
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Captain Caveman on March 03, 2020, 07:15:20 PM
Welcome to Chinatown, your asparagus excellency...
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Dovey on March 03, 2020, 07:16:53 PM
 :crampe:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 03, 2020, 07:19:28 PM
Welcome Joe Biden

We here as emissaries to the Klingon Empire welcome you

What do you plan to do about Corona Virus good sir?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 07:27:14 PM
Welcome Joe Biden

We here as emissaries to the Klingon Empire welcome you

What do you plan to do about Corona Virus good sir?

That's a good question young man. Thank you for asking. As soon as I am exonerated into the Nevada state legislator my first act as county clerk will be to put an end to all fast food consumption inside the courtroom.

No jurors should have to be distracted by the smell of those bacon cheese fries they serve at Trader Joes while they are busy authoring Federal laws.

Then I will put into effect a wing tax on all flying cars and outlaw high heels.

Joe Johnson  - it's time we made a difference
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 03, 2020, 07:36:58 PM
That's a good question young man. Thank you for asking. As soon as I am exonerated into the Nevada state legislator my first act as county clerk will be to put an end to all fast food consumption inside the courtroom.

No jurors should have to be distracted by the smell of those bacon cheese fries they serve at Trader Joes while they are busy authoring Federal laws.

Then I will put into effect a wing tax on all flying cars and outlaw high heels.

Joe Johnson  - it's time we made a difference

Um Sir? What about Corona? The growing pandemic?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: LotusBud on March 03, 2020, 07:38:23 PM
That's a good question young man. Thank you for asking. As soon as I am exonerated into the Nevada state legislator my first act as county clerk will be to put an end to all fast food consumption inside the courtroom.

No jurors should have to be distracted by the smell of those bacon cheese fries they serve at Trader Joes while they are busy authoring Federal laws.

Then I will put into effect a wing tax on all flying cars and outlaw high heels.

Joe Johnson  - it's time we made a difference

I'm glad you came to your senses and retired to the Nevada state legislative city council of Gary, Indiana, paving the way for Bernie to take his rightful place as Democratic nominee, and president-elect.  You're a real peach, Sloppy Joe.
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 07:45:56 PM
I'm glad you came to your senses and retired to the Nevada state legislative city council of Gary, Indiana, paving the way for Bernie to take his rightful place as Democratic nominee, and president-elect.  You're a real peach, Sloppy Joe.

This reminds me of that Flinstones episode. Do you remember the one? Where he was being chased by the Dinosaur?

God I used to love watching Sci-Fi shows
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 07:49:03 PM
Um Sir? What about Corona? The growing pandemic?

Oh, right right. Corona.

Quality beer. A little on the harder side and I'm more of a Miller man myself but you know if you mix it with some Quaker oatmeal and add a little nutmeg you can turn out one hell of an Apple Pie.

Joe Pesci -- Funny? How am I funny?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 03, 2020, 07:56:43 PM
This fucking guy  :crampe:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Dovey on March 03, 2020, 08:06:38 PM
 I bet it was the "thrill up the leg" talk that brought him here :biglaugha:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 03, 2020, 08:08:09 PM
I bet it was the "thrill up the leg" talk that brought him here :biglaugha:
:crampe: :crampe: :crampe:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: lokmar on March 03, 2020, 08:09:48 PM
 :crampe: :crampe: :crampe: :crampe: :crampe:

HOOLEE CHIT!!! EPIC!!! STICKIE!!!! :borat:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 03, 2020, 08:14:22 PM
:crampe: :crampe: :crampe: :crampe: :crampe:

HOOLEE CHIT!!! EPIC!!! STICKIE!!!! :borat:
Shit is nuts

Should I sticky it?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: lokmar on March 03, 2020, 08:18:43 PM
Shit is nuts

Should I sticky it?

Motherfukin RIGHT! Fuck, you should start a go fund me page so we can pay this asshole for the fukin LOLZ!!! :crampe: :crampe: :crampe: I was literally CRYING while I read this shit to my wife!!!
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 03, 2020, 08:25:00 PM
Mr Biden sir.

Will Pocahontas or any of your other rivals be joining us?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 08:32:02 PM
Mr Biden sir.

Will Pocahontas or any of your other rivals be joining us?

You're damn right Pocahontas should be allowed to carry a rifle and join us. Especially where she grew up. Party favors save lives.

This reminds me of the time I was teaching sign language to blind kids down at the Helen Keller institute for chronic leprosy and we were invaded by a colony of red ants. Boy did T-bone have a tough time making it to the bathroom on time that day. Let me tell you. And if it wasn't for the fact that there was this 30ft yacht right in the middle of that football stadium I don't think he would have made it.

Joe Bannano - John Gotti is a rat.
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Captain Caveman on March 03, 2020, 08:39:09 PM
Mr. Biden...

How will you deal with the communist freeloaders in your moderate freeloading democratic party? And how many lunar Starbucks vouchers will I get if I vote for Old Navy trousers?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 08:50:31 PM
Mr. Biden...

How will you deal with the communist freeloaders in your moderate freeloading democratic party? And how many lunar Starbucks vouchers will I get if I vote for Old Navy trousers?

Very fine questions young man. Very fine.

Don't you think these questions would be better asked of a Presidential candidate? Well let me tell you what I would do if I were running for president.

Pepper spray? Out. Hair sniffing? Mandatory on the first and forth Tuesday of every month. Vouchers for all hair care products for any women under the age of 17 and I would leave Lunar starwars in the capable hands of qualified people such as Luke Sky-walker and that furry guy? What's his name again? Rosie Odonnell?

And more importantly, Me and Joseph Stalin were very close friends back in the flight academy but how many nuclear subs do you think he can afford?

Joe Namath - My football career ain't over just yet
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Captain Caveman on March 03, 2020, 09:02:42 PM
Sorry, Mr Biden... one more question for now...

If you're elected governor of Potato, how will you combat the unholy invasion of the dreaded Pineapple Hobo scourge infesting our Doghound Bus depots and stripping the veneer off our plastic tree arrangements due to climate change and Skittles blizzards?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Moonpie on March 03, 2020, 11:07:50 PM
I can picture the dumb fuck saying it too!   :crampe:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Shen Li on March 03, 2020, 11:12:38 PM
I would like to thank you all on this Super Saturday for supporting this 2014 race for the Wisconsin senate seat. Bernie Manalow has been a tough challenger but together we can make Vermont great again!

As your newly elected mayor of Nashville I will work with Indonesia on a jobs plan and put robust programs in place to boost our economy through offshore drilling along our western coastline and put an end to Alien mining for the Romulan Empire. I will fight for quality hair products and sleeveless business attire for all of our working woman. Especially those in my cabinet.

Let's make this an awesome 2 years!

Yours truly, Joe Jackson
Congrats Joe.  We know you will faithfully execute the office of dogcatcher in Ada County.
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 11:26:55 PM
Sorry, Mr Biden... one more question for now...

If you're elected governor of Potato, how will you combat the unholy invasion of the dreaded Pineapple Hobo scourge infesting our Doghound Bus depots and stripping the veneer off our plastic tree arrangements due to climate change and Skittles blizzards?

You know this question reminds of the times I used to go skiing along the plains of the Nevada desert during some of the coldest winters you could imagine with an 8 track cassette tape. And as a devote Muslim boy I would always make the sign of the cross as the lift would carry me and the other fallen soldiers returning in bags from the beaches of Normandy to the peak of the mountain and have us jump off with our parachutes tightly packed in our lunchboxes.

Id always remember to put rubbing alcohol on my shoelaces and say a prayer for all those devote Jewish friends of mine still fending off the advancing roman army on at the walls of Jericho.

They were the best of times and the worst of times and There's just never been another era after landing on the Moon quite like it.

Joe Butts - what you looking at?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 03, 2020, 11:31:30 PM
Congrats Joe.  We know you will faithfully execute the office of dogcatcher in Ada County.

Thank you.

Please show your support by sending any leftover body hair shavings or bushels of recently cut hair follicles to my campaign at:

Biden for Warden of Oklahoma state prison PO box 123 ShekelsTown Nebraska 11367
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Elizabeth Warren on March 04, 2020, 12:03:13 AM
Mr Biden sir.

Will Pocahontas or any of your other rivals be joining us?

 Sir, that is racail bullying and we are NOT Trumps America!   We need to all come together and not allow another 2016 and dammit.....do not come together too close to any 13 years olds until after the election. Just sit down and stay in Potatoe.
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 04, 2020, 12:12:20 AM
Sir, that is racail bullying and we are NOT Trumps America!   We need to all come together and not allow another 2016 and dammit.....do not come together too close to any 13 years olds until after the election. Just sit down and stay in Potatoe.

Lizdeath? Wendigo? Why are you here? Didn't Dorthy drop a small Cottage on you a couple of years ago? You make my pancreas curl & I bet your husband prays daily for prostate cancer.

Could you slip and fall and break your neck in a shower far away please?

I'm busy running for District Attorney of Nassau County and I cannot be bothered fanning your horrid breath away with a newspaper.

Shoo. Shoo.
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Dovey on March 04, 2020, 12:19:00 AM
 Oh gawd....its happening.

 My sleep paralysis nightmare is coming true  :bawling:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 04, 2020, 12:19:58 AM
Oh gawd....its happening.

 My sleep paralysis nightmare is coming true  :bawling:
Looking to be a wheelchair duel to the death over here  :biglaugha:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Dovey on March 04, 2020, 12:20:51 AM
Looking to be a wheelchair duel to the death over here  :biglaugha:

 Dont make any fast movements  :biglaugha:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Elizabeth Warren on March 04, 2020, 12:30:34 AM
Lizdeath? Wendigo? Why are you here? Didn't Dorthy drop a small Cottage on you a couple of years ago? You make my pancreas curl & I bet your husband prays daily for prostate cancer.

Could you slip and fall and break your neck in a shower far away please?

I'm busy running for District Attorney of Nassau County and I cannot be bothered fanning your horrid breath away with a newspaper.

Shoo. Shoo.

 Joe how many times do we have to tell you to shave your legs and stop putting strange kids on your lap?  I'll have you know that I bent over and the house crumbled on my hump back. You will not get rid of me that easily! 

 And how dare you sink so low as to use my husbands ovarian cancer against me  :curse:

 We are coming for you, Joe.
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Joe Biden on March 04, 2020, 12:42:19 AM
Joe how many times do we have to tell you to shave your legs and stop putting strange kids on your lap?  I'll have you know that I bent over and the house crumbled on my hump back. You will not get rid of me that easily! 

 And how dare you sink so low as to use my husbands ovarian cancer against me  :curse:

 We are coming for you, Joe.

You are a lying horse face pony testicle. Someone needs to throw a bottle of seltzer water on you and all of your monkeys.

Get your facts straight lady!  That girl was 17 and she told me she only needed to touch my penis as part of a geology class project she was working on.

You belong in a herpes jar for all of your evil fibbing and demonic dressing habits.
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Pete Buttigieg on March 04, 2020, 12:52:14 AM
My husband is disgusted with both of you nincompoops. Did I mention I'm very very gay and I have a husband who is gay too but we're married as husband and husband which is very very straight and normal, so don't bring it up. It's discriminatory to bring our gay marriage up randomly and that's part of the reason why I dropped out of the race, because gay bashers bashing me and my lovely gay husband (did I mention I'm totally in love with my husband who is a gay male too?).

It's not applicable to the conversation. Stop and desist! I grew up on the streets of Philadelphia! A gangbanging motherfucker except I never slept with a mother, or my mother, cause I'm like very very gay. I lived the struggles of a negro person of color. You wouldn't like me angry. Or my husband for that matter. We will throw down and tag team your asses Joe and Elizabeth. Well, maybe not you Elizabeth. You nearly pass.

Joe, you want to smell our butt hair? Not in a gay way.

Stop bringing homosexuality up! I'm warning you!
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Oak on March 04, 2020, 12:52:39 AM
When are you posting something funny Joe and Liz?
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Oak on March 04, 2020, 12:53:11 AM
My husband is disgusted with both of you nincompoops. Did I mention I'm very very gay and I have a husband who is gay too but we're married as husband and husband which is very very straight and normal, so don't bring it up. It's discriminatory to bring our gay marriage up randomly and that's part of the reason why I dropped out of the race, because gay bashers bashing me and my lovely gay husband (did I mention I'm totally in love with my husband who is a gay male too?).

It's not applicable to the conversation. Stop and desist! I grew up on the streets of Philadelphia! A gangbanging motherfucker except I never slept with a mother, or my mother, cause I'm like very very gay. I lived the struggles of a negro person of color. You wouldn't like me angry. Or my husband for that matter. We will throw down and tag team your asses Joe and Elizabeth. Well, maybe not you Elizabeth. You nearly pass.

Joe, you want to smell our butt hair? Not in a gay way.

Stop bringing homosexuality up! I'm warning you!

 :Doh2:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Pete Buttigieg on March 04, 2020, 01:14:27 AM
:Doh2:

I do not appreciate your emoji, Madame. It smacks of discrimination and contempt for the noble institution of marriage my gay husband and I (I'm gay too) entered into, so I ask you to edit your emoji out and do not gay bash us one iota further. As persons of color, the three of us should come to a love and respect of one another (without sexual intercourse, as we're very very gay).

We're brown from the waist down and sometimes from the neck up. Why can you not look past our gayness and see that we the same. We're brown all around.

Please treat my gay husband and I with dignity by no longer bringing our very real and loving gay husband with gay husband marriage, when it matters not to who we are or the policies I didn't have when I was still running for President.

I implore you. Me and Chasten beg of you. Enough is enough.
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 04, 2020, 09:34:28 AM
 :crampe:
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Oak on March 04, 2020, 04:35:32 PM
:crampe:

Really? 

Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 04, 2020, 04:37:58 PM
Really?

 I thought Biden was hysterical
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Oak on March 04, 2020, 04:39:28 PM
I thought Biden was hysterical

I read it with interest looking for a laugh, unfortunately I didn't find it. 
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Biggie Smiles on March 04, 2020, 04:40:27 PM
I read it with interest looking for a laugh, unfortunately I didn't find it.

The gaffs were on point as far as i'm concerned. I laughed a few times actually
Title: Re: I am so excited to be your nominee for Governor of Idaho
Post by: Oak on March 04, 2020, 04:43:41 PM
The gaffs were on point as far as i'm concerned. I laughed a few times actually

Ok.