So are you saying you need a man? We're all friends here, you can share.
Just that my Koi carp have developed a penchant for vintage Schwinn bicycles and have all got paper rounds.
They're becoming militant and have Unionised.
They are demanding a Bose underwater sound system and a roster of top flight DJ's every weekend.
Carl Cox wants 50k for an hours set on Saturday and a private jet to take him to Miami to play the closing set at Space.
I feel a little ripped off as he will play 4 hours at the daybreak gig and after party for a measly 35k.
His reasoning is that the Space gig will have kudos, a sizeable write up in Mixmag and the resulting increase in downloads for his latest offering whereas playing to a group of Gold and Blue Koi (no matter how beautiful they are) will not create any paparazzi frenzy and take up his valuable time.
Although the fish are contributing to Carls payment the National Minimum Wage for paperboy fish doesn't even cover the canapes on his rider.
I see this as an opportunity for Crowd Funding.
Who wants to be first in with a $50 investment?