Author Topic: isn't springtime just lovely?  (Read 2632 times)

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Offline Emily Friday

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isn't springtime just lovely?
« on: April 28, 2019, 12:54:15 AM »

The birds were louder this morning,
raucous, oblivious, tweeting their teensy bird-brains out.
It scared me, until I remembered it’s Spring.
How do they know it? A stupid question.
Thank you, birdies. I had forgotten how promise feels.



Rejoice! It is spring again my little lovelies

Last I checked upon this hovel there was quite the buzz. Wasn’t there? Many of you peddling your disabilities in public, unmoved by your incriminating odors, unburdened by genius and just untroubled by anything having to do with modern worldliness. 

Several you are appearing on many occasion bright eyed and bushy tailed (literally in some instances) happening frequently to resemble a small squadron of malformed autistics pin-balling heads together as you exited your short bus on special Olympics day.

These were the best of times they were the worst of times.

My how time does stand still when rank halitosis coupled with wide assortments of other deformities considered serious to most, prevent you from the joys of human contact? And yet, in what could be considered a marsh pit of poorly performing genes a few of you managed to stand out with your special commitment to abject uselessness. Even by any standards set forth by lower rung cretins who happen to share close family ties with the AmazingSting.

Oddly enough, when these failures of varying shapes, sizes and forms pass through my thoughts people like Benzo immediately leap to mind. Perhaps because he is old, toothless, smells funny and wears a government issued diaper? Or it may be any one of the other ten thousand and six reasons he is shunned by people wishing to appear dignified in even the most basic sense of the word? 

Or perhaps it is because he is unique? He, being the only poster I am aware of, who has been surgically grafted to his wheel chair and must blow into a tube when he wishes to imagine he is experiencing an erection. Surely it must be one of those. 

Is he still around to merchant his cutting wit and steady barrage "couchtowns" and "booms" and the occasional "you're gay" every time he is confronted?  He’s so varied, Learnt and colorfully witty. Consistently too. So much so, that from time to time I  worry whether or not we will lose this flaming luminary to some freak drowning accident during monthly bath hour at some underfunded government facility when his nursing aid allows him to submerge slowly & helplessly into a tub of piss water while she is busy sharing selfies to her followers on Instagram.

I cannot bear to think further of such a tragedy so we’re just going to end that right there.

Would someone with access to his beeper number be kind enough to dial him a nice "hello" on my behalf? Just to let him know someone cares? What can I say? I have a soft spot for the weak and elderly.

Of course, I give thought to jungle jiving minorities who reek of swamp, so I’m going to stop you social justice wobblers right there! This is a forum of diversity after all.

Be patient, his name is coming to me. Ranciddickhole. No. FlaccidJungleDork… no…no.. c’mon… shit it’s on the tip of my tongue.

RancidMucusDrip !!!… yes… that’s it!  I remember him! How is that partially shaven primate? Does he still log in from time to time hoping to learn English and a bit of common sense from civilized people with his 386 super scuba computer mounted to a tree stump?

He was always so special in a just throw the food over the fence and wave at him dear kind of way as you held your child's hand and then walked them away slowly to visit the next monkey enclosure. I would particularly enjoy watching him rattle his cage bars furiously for hours on end, and for no reason whatsoever, only to fall asleep peacefully in a pool of his own bodily fluid shortly thereafter.

Does he still have a thing for females riddled with bovine spongiform encephalopathy? Legend has it he gets them a little nighttime moody with petrol and rohypnol, then tips them,  and does all sorts of unspeakable things with them once the chickens and sheep are tucked away for the evening. I suspect this is the reason entirely he opted to move to an area of the world used as a toilet for the remainder of the planet.

And what would a thread dedicated to the dregs of society be without a mention of the great white hopeless? I’m sure we all know who I am speaking of here? The name escapes me. Hilter’s Penis 365 or something to that effect?

Has he managed to obtain his GED yet? Did those college courses he was taking in the Tallahassee prison for women improve his 2nd grade writing skills? Before moving to the UK only to be stripped of his dignity, manhood and driver’s license? Give him my regards won’t you?


And to those I haven’t named. Hello.
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Offline LotusBud

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2019, 02:24:55 AM »
tl;dr.  But A for effort, I suppose.  If word count is a signifier of accomplishment in some form.
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Offline Bonesaw

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2019, 02:41:11 AM »
tl;dr.  But A for effort, I suppose.  If word count is a signifier of accomplishment in some form.

I already won that medal around 2005.  75,000+ characters in one post.

Sadly, I now have a life.
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Offline Emily Friday

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2019, 03:28:06 AM »
tl;dr.  But A for effort, I suppose.  If word count is a signifier of accomplishment in some form.
Hello down there DoofusBud. Or is it slug? Never-mind. Do not trouble yourself rummaging through your chin fat to find the paper plate dog tag written in crayon Which I am certain is assigned to all furiously dense spastics who have a propensity to break free of the helmet and harness assembly whenever you are being walked in public places.

It's not like you matter enough for me to remember. Should your attention required once again I'm sure a small variety of duck noises or farting sounds will suffice.

I don't know you. Nor have I ever seen any of your offerings, but from the looks of things I'm imagining that you have somehow managed to free yourself of the muzzle and you are now roaming about assaulting any publicly accessible keyboards you can find until those persons in blue scrubs catch up with you and escort you back to your dwelling next to a steel bar in a rubber room.

But while you're here among us let me assure you it is very important to me to ensure that marginally evolved schlemiels who breed behind toilets remain entertained at all times. And thus a question. If you could be kind enough to rasp out a simple answer for me? 

What would someone bred of rape who has an abnormally low IQ find as a palatable read? 
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Offline Biggie Smiles

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2019, 02:42:26 PM »
Hi Emily
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Offline Rancidmilko

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2019, 02:46:49 PM »
I wish I could put 1/10 of  the effort that was put in that post into acknowledging this faceless retarded coward dual

Meh, who am I'm kidding, I don't wish that.
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Offline Oak

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2019, 02:47:49 PM »
I wish I could put 1/10 of  the effort that was put in that post into acknowledging this faceless retarded coward dual

Meh, who am I'm kidding, I don't wish that.

That doesn't take effort.  It takes a brain, of which, you have none.   You CAN'T do it.
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Offline Rancidmilko

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2019, 02:51:59 PM »
That doesn't take effort.  It takes a brain, of which, you have none.   You CAN'T do it.
My dear walking bacon,

I only waste my time on people like you

All and all, you're still the original, the one and only Oak.

At least you got some street credit. You're not a faceless coward
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Offline Oak

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2019, 02:55:04 PM »
My dear walking bacon,

I only waste my time on people like you

All and all, you're still the original, the one and only Oak.

At least you got some street credit. You're not a faceless coward

I'm not afraid of online bullies.  What are people like you going to do at your worst?  Send pizzas to a stranger?

lolololol
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Offline Rancidmilko

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2019, 03:04:14 PM »
I'm not afraid of online bullies.  What are people like you going to do at your worst?  Send pizzas to a stranger?

lolololol

Pfffftttttt

get a grip, woman. My hassling starts and ends in these forums

And if I sent you pizzas, it would mean you did something good to deserve them. And they'd be paid beforehand


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Offline Oak

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2019, 03:05:38 PM »
Pfffftttttt

get a grip, woman. My hassling starts and ends in these forums

And if I sent you pizzas, it would mean you did something good to deserve them. And they'd be paid beforehand

I agree, there isn't anything you can do to me that troubles me.  You do you though.  It's fruitless, but you'll do it.

I'm just highly amused about all the free rent that I take up in your head and the other mental retards like you.

You're impotent, there isn't a damn thing you can do.  You think you play a psychological game that intimidates me.  I consider the source. You're low iq, self-loathing, and angry trolls.

That's all you got.  Well, and bananas.  Lots of bananas, monkey.

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Offline LotusBud

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2019, 03:07:12 PM »
I'm not afraid of online bullies.
I mean, why would you be?  They're your people.
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Offline Oak

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2019, 03:07:46 PM »
I mean, why would you be?  They're your people.

 :kleenex:

lotus in victim mode

predictable
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Offline LotusBud

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2019, 03:14:09 PM »
:kleenex:

lotus in victim mode

predictable
Stating the facts.  Truth hurts?
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Offline LotusBud

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2019, 03:17:12 PM »
Hello down there DoofusBud. Or is it slug? Never-mind. Do not trouble yourself rummaging through your chin fat to find the paper plate dog tag written in crayon Which I am certain is assigned to all furiously dense spastics who have a propensity to break free of the helmet and harness assembly whenever you are being walked in public places.

It's not like you matter enough for me to remember. Should your attention required once again I'm sure a small variety of duck noises or farting sounds will suffice.

I don't know you. Nor have I ever seen any of your offerings, but from the looks of things I'm imagining that you have somehow managed to free yourself of the muzzle and you are now roaming about assaulting any publicly accessible keyboards you can find until those persons in blue scrubs catch up with you and escort you back to your dwelling next to a steel bar in a rubber room.

But while you're here among us let me assure you it is very important to me to ensure that marginally evolved schlemiels who breed behind toilets remain entertained at all times. And thus a question. If you could be kind enough to rasp out a simple answer for me? 

What would someone bred of rape who has an abnormally low IQ find as a palatable read?

Well, you got Oak's undying love with that post.  Congrats!
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Offline Oak

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #15 on: April 28, 2019, 03:17:38 PM »
Stating the facts.  Truth hurts?

Nothing you say hurts me, Lotus Bud.   I thought you said you had better things to do and better people to associate with.

Why are you communicating with  me?    Perhaps because you're a liar.
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Offline Oak

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #16 on: April 28, 2019, 03:19:03 PM »
Well, you got Oak's undying love with that post.  Congrats!

Oak, Oak, Oak...it's all Oak with you.  You're obsessed. 

I am on record for appreciating Emily Friday long before you followed me to this board.
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Offline LotusBud

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #17 on: April 28, 2019, 03:45:51 PM »
you followed me to this board.

Right.
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Offline Oak

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #18 on: April 28, 2019, 03:49:24 PM »
Right.

You did.

You've claimed several times that you don't want to be on a board that I'm on.

Yet, here you are.  And you can't wait to lash out at me.  You hold it in until you explode in rage.  It's entirely predictable.
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Offline Emily Friday

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Re: isn't springtime just lovely?
« Reply #19 on: April 28, 2019, 04:03:19 PM »
Pfffftttttt
I mean
Oh heavens dear. My precious springtime thread is being overrun with vermin activity! 

Is it too much to ask for a modicum of decor of you sealed tube inventions of science? Must I neuter the lot of you to ensure your bodily functions remain under control when you are among normal, and more importantly, civilized human beings?  You foul leftovers of scientific experiments gone terribly wrong.

This is not the lamppost in your living room which you can spray up and down with copious amounts of your ammonia sting. Hoping to attract a suitable mate from a similarly fucked up species of livestock. This is my spring time thread! A place where we reminisce on the good times we've had and the joys of life to come. And where this is not possible due to an overflow of genetic deformities a place to discuss painless and human forms of euthanization for people with incurable forms of stupidity. 

I am demanding the staff avail this thread of some pest control services immediately.
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